Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Elsa's Deception (a short story)

She stormed out leaving him to simmer in his guilt. The moment she had gone and the door was securely slammed behind her, Elsa stepped back into the realm of vsibility. Ronald blushed and looked away. He wished the faerie hadn't seen his fight with Harriet. He was supposed to be in charge, always in control. His servants should never see what makes him week. They could use it against him.
"Well, she isn't very nice, is she?" Elsa said, staring at the door. Ron regained some of his composure, "That is my fiance. I will thank you to keep ill comments to yourself." Elsa turned meekly and assumed an innocent expression. "Of course master, whatever you say!"Elsa smiled to herself as she hovered just beyond the visible spectrum.
So this was the woman her master was crazy about. He never should have let such an opportunity occur. Now Elsa knew what made him week. She could use this against him and she wasn't about to waste any time. She assumed her regular form and stepped into the realm of human visibility. Ronald blushed when she appeared and looked away. He knew he should not have let the faerie see his fight with Harriet, but there had been no time to dismiss her. Now she knew his weekness, he just hoped she wouldn't use it against him. Apparently, hope was not on his side.
Elsa swept over to Ronald and placed her hands softly on his shoulders. "My poor master." She said soothingly. She kicked on her mind control. "Your Elsa would never treat you like that." She walked around to face him. Ronald closed his eyes. He couldn't believe she was doing this to him. Now that she knew his weakness, there was nothing he could do to stop her, but he could certainly try to resist her.
Elsa lifted his face with her hands. Laying on the seductive power of her race, she whispered, "Open your eyes master." Under the spell of her mind control, Ronald could not resist. His eyes opened against his will.
Elsa transformed into an illusion of Harriet just as Ron lifted his eyelids. When he saw her, he moved to wrap his arms around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I am sorry too," she replied. Then, before he could see through the illusion, she leaned closer and kissed him deeply. For several seconds of bliss, Ronald returned the kiss. Elsa wanted it to last, but she had a goal, and an eternal kiss was not on her wish list. She tore away, dropped the illusion and walked away, releasing her spell on Ronald. He blinked. He looked around the room wildly. Then it hit him. Elsa expected him to be furious. Expected him to dismiss her immediately. She was hoping otherwise, but she knew that magicians never liked to be fooled by their servants.
Ronald stared at Elsa. Watching how her body shimmered in and out of visibility. Her outline was always discernable, but at some moments she was as transparent as a window from head to toe, then the next second her face and hair would be the only visible features while the rest resembled silver glass. He realized that she had forced him to kiss her by making herself look like Harriet. Why had she done that? It didn't seem like any way for a faerie to get revenge. He continued to stare at her, trying to find a motive amongst the shimmering beauty.
Elsa grew impatient, but she retained an outward appearance of calm tranquility with just a hint of guilt. Finally, she broke the silence.
"Do you hate me now Master? Shall I leave?" To her surprise, Ronald walked right up to her. Standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her just, as she had done to him. "That kiss was amazing," he whispered into her ear. Elsa smiled, success! "Does my Master want more?" She asked seductively.
Ron did not answer, but moved his hands down her shoulders and across her chest to release the clasps holding her robe in place. The buttons came apart easily and the robe fell to the floor. Elsa turned around meekly and asked in her most innocent voice, "Does not my Master want his Harriet?" As she spoke, she transformed herself into the Harriet illusion. Ron ran his fingers through her hair. He stared into her eyes.
"No Elsa, I want you." Joyfully, Elsa assumed her own shape. He picked her up and layed her on his bed.

The End
*ahem* ok there it is. I dunno why that ending seems a bit too, rated R for me. LOL. I'm kinda shocked that I actually wrote this. I had forgotten about this story until I found it tonight. I do remember writing it although I can't remember exactly when I wrote it, but I do know that this story is something I wrote because I was in the midst of reading a plethora of fantasy novels; Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, Faery Wars, The Amulet of Samarkand, and The Golden Compass. This story was based on all of that plus a dream that I had. Feel free to let me know what you think. This is the raw story though, I didn't edit anything as I typed it.


  1. Hm, this is an interesting story. I'm not generally a big fan of fantasy, so I began to worry a little starting with the second sentence. I was wrong to worry, though; it held my interest to the end, and even made me wonder what comes next. To my mind, that's a mark of a good start.

    As you point out, it could use a good edit (I edit for a living so naturally I'm gonna fixate on that!), and there are places where it feels rushed and could stand some expansion, but you definitely have the bones of something nice here. I'd be very interested in seeing more of your writing, including maybe some further work on this, if you have any interest in doing that.

  2. I liked this very much :)